Ice cream buffet

Recently, there's a dieting/healthy eating campaign goin on in my office...every 1 is either tellin me they are goin on diet or takin health supplements...wahhhh scary sia..seems like i am 1 of those odd 1 out lo..whahaha..hai wo dun dare to tok much about food to them..hehe i tink aso no 1 interested..faintzzzz...

Was watchin buffetlicous last nite n they will introducing Swensen's ice cream lo..man, i am so tempted lo..i wan to eat yummy raisins, thin mint, sticky chewy chocolate n many many more...whahaha but then i tink it is in the afternoon leh...hubs is coachin on every wkend afternoon lo..haiz..gonna take leave 1 day n go njoy the ice cream buffet...now onli left hubs will will go buffet with me le..whahahh most of my fwens dun eat tt much de lo.sianz..dunno is i can eat too much or plp nowadays cannot eat much..whahah i am so gulity..heheh

anyway, i dunno y i feel so tired recently..some days i juz feel like slpin in when the clock goes off..but every time i manage to drag my sorry ass out of my warm bed n get ready 4 work..its a real struggle every mornin lo..whahhah...still every mornin when i look into the mirror every mornin, i will tell myself today will be a better day n hope to get thru the day smoothly...

Even if the day is shitty, i will try to tell myself tmr will be better but then whenever i feel bad, i will start to think of wat to eat..heheh eating will lift up my spirits..dunno y..whahaha n it will make me feel gd lo..although if i put on weight, i will feel sad afterwards..whhahah tt will be another thing to worry after eating..nairmind..hehhe

hmm...by tinkin of it makes me feel better le..recently there are some unhappiness goin on n i dunno how to put it into words, can onli swallow it down...felt betrayed, felt unjusticed but this is life.this is human, i can onli accept it..i noe i will learn to let go after awhile like usual..but the still, there's a little stinging of heart pain..this 0nli reminds me of why i refuse to open my heart to plp, this is wat happen when i accept and put in the feelings..i hate this feeling of betrayal n i promise i will nt goin to let it happen..i will put on my protective shield frm now..*porcupine mode on* this i will remind myself..

okie..enuff of ranting..ice cream buffet any1?whahaha

To AH MA..

Dear Ah ma,

How are you getting on in the other world?Its gonna be your 11th death anni soon.. Are you happie there?Did you fulfill your wish to take good care of Da Jiu and lived happily with him and Ah Gong?

Times files and its gonna be 11yrs oredi, but it feels like u juz left us nt long..You have left us so abruptly, sometimes it hurts to think about it. At times, I will wonder how will you be feeling if u are still ard.. Will you be beri excited on my weddin day like Popo? Will you be beri proud of Ah Qi, who is now studying her degree in China and might get a scholarship to studee her masters there? Will you be so happie to see your "dragon grandson" tat xiao yi gave birth to? Will you join Mummy and Auntie 5 on their Europe trip this year if you are still ard for you used to loved travellin..

Here's a update of our family...

Have you noticed mummy and da yi are more alike as they aged? Mummy is still working, still strugglin to hold the family together. Realli, you shd be proud of her. Her determination to bring us up, her strict teaching that she learned from you moulded us into what we are today. Her strong character that allows her to stay sane despite her suffering. I noe you will be proud of her for I am also proud of being her daughter. I know you will give her your blessings and approval no matter where you are and support her decisions no matter wat others tink.

Mummy outside MBK, BKK

She gets more naggy as she ages, but which mum doesnt?I noe she miss you, deep down she noes u r rite when u object to her n dad, but then when u gave her the your support during her difficult times instead of turnin your back to her n told her "i told u so" gives her the strength to carry on with life..she always tell me stories of how u follow her ard during her dating days n how she finally understand it during my dating yrs..whahaha..so when i was choosin a bf, i make sure i choose 1 tt can pass her screenin de..character wise i dunno, but at least i noe jie's outlook passed le..the rest is up to fate isnt it? but given u n mummy's strong character, you will noe i am on par with you all..hehhhe

If you are watchin over us up there, please bless mummy wif a smooth life ahead..give her the strength to feel happie, let her noe the 3 of us is standin by her no matter what others think..for we are 1 family, afterall, is the 4 of us who went thru the difficult period together..who will noe each other's pain although it is not put into words..who will noe how difficult it is that we have wat we have today, to become wat we are today...

I am proud to tell u ah ma, although the 3 Singapore grandchildren of urs are no high flyers, but at least we grew up to be decent plp even though in the eyes of many plp, we are kids with no dad to discipline but realli, mummy did a superb job in replacing papa's position in the family...if fact, till now, every 1 reports their doin to her...even ah ge, who is 30yrs old this yr, is still under her control..she has this "as long as u r my child, i can control u"thinking...is juz like u isnt it..remember the time u cane xiao jiu infront of us?you told him the same thing...whahah

She gets more hip as she aged. And she took after you for the love for travelling. We been together to Beijing where she tried to scale the Great wall and failed miserably when she fainted at the 1st gate, gave me a fright lo, lucky i was with her..She went to HK with bro and also bangkok and phuket with aunt 5.. After tt she bug me to go bangkok again cuz she was angry she didnt get to visit the shoppin haunts and Ah liang n me told her bout. You shd see the way she shop, as if that the things there are free!!! the most recent trip is to Europe which she is so excited bout. She updated me everyday via sms and went crazy in Paris over LV bags.. today, as she walked on the streets, she is checkin out other plp's LV bag and commenting where they are real or nt..

Your eldest grandson, has balloon over the years, i still rem u chidding mummy on how on earth she feed us, all cannot grow fat..whahah over the yrs the 3 of us grew so big sized tt mummy iS worrying bout our health..He is still as stubborn as ever and we dunno whether he has a gf or nt..Mummy is nt worring though, or so she claims..but if you were ard, you will surely get anxious of him nt getting hitched when he is turning 30 this yr...

But out of the 3 of us, he is the most controlled by mummy 1..n although mummy always scolded him, but then she still cannot help but to look out 4 him cuz she say he everything aso bo chap..whahaa..wonder when i will get a sis in law? he doesnt say much to us aso...he, i tink dunno how to show his concern 4 mummy for he is some1 who dunno how to express well..end up, the 2 of them always got misunderstandin cuz he is plain lazy to explain properly to mummy..smtimes i gotta be the in between so as to make the matter rest..

As for me, i got married 2 yrs ago. When i got married, how i wished u were there to witness the biggest moment of my life..Juz like Jie's grandparents who look so happie to see their grandson getting a wife.Rem you used to asked me to accept the guy from the provison store behind our hse?You used to teased me whenever i am back hm..and no, i haven given you a great grandson, cuz i am nt ready yet..perhaps i will try and give you a dragon great grandson 4..it will be such a great gift isnt it??

Hope my marriage will be a good 1..for i haf no confident aso but i am willing to take the gamble..Jie is a good guy, but humans does change afterall dont they?I can onli cross my fingers that we will be able to withstand the test of times and emerged more loving..you will give me ur blessings rite?after witnessing wat mummy has gone thru, i myself would have certain level of cautions and also certain ways of managing my marriage..not all of them agreed with my style. But juz like mummy who have your support back then, i have her support now..so it gives me the strength to move on, knowing that no matter what i do, i always have her with me...

Your fav grandson,whom mummy loving called "AH Liang Liang" is an aviation engineer in making..he is currently taking his degree now, and mummy secretly hoped he will joined SIA after graduating so she will get free tixs 4 her overseas trip...He is as mischievous as ever and he has got a JAL stewardess as a gf..You will surely love him to bits cuz after all these yrs, his honey talk skills had only got better..whahah

His temper got worse over the years, smtimes hurting mummy without knowing..but there is always me who will call n chide him..dun think i married off n i washed my hands of our household.i still have all the updates frm mummy n when she is upset by him, she will call n complaint to me knowing tat if i find it unacceptable, i will give him a piece of my mind...

Over the years, when papa is not ard, it has always been me who is the black faced to him as mummy dunno y cannot bring her self to be as strict to him as she is to ah ge n me..i noe liang liang smtimes will irritated with me interferring with his life, but then i hope he noes that watever we do, it is for his best interest for he is the little precious of our family no matter how old he is..but he is the onli 1 who can make mummy's heart melt at the shortest time lo..whahah he sure haf a way with women..juz like papa...

I hope this update is enuff for you Ah ma..hope u r well in the other world..and hope u noe that u r dearly missed by us..Although I am not allowed to go to visit your tomb during ching ming, i hope you noe that we didnt 4get you, juz tt the customs dun allowed us to do so..Ah ma, stay happie with da Jiu and ah Gong..n hope you realli fulfilled your wish of taking good care of da jiu for i hope u r happie too where ever you are..

Many love from your eldest grand daughter,

Ah le

Reflections

Was clearing my room today and threw out a bag that i tink i dun wan cuz the handle's wrapping keep falling out..n i had enuff of repairing it..so i put it in the living room along with other things i wanna throw..

My tenant's maid saw and ask me when i went of out my room later on whether she can haf the bag or nt...i was shocked..its nt i dun wan give her..but the state of the bag is nt realli in gd shape and she dun mind and wans to haf it..i was quite ashame of myself as i keep buying new bags now and then and yet she dun mind the bag i threw out n was still telling me it was nice..i feel so bad..

I gave her another bag of mine aso, which was still in good shape and i had keep it in gd condition, but juz tt i dun use it tt often..i noe sooner or later, i will throw it out or donate it to salavation army..if it can be put to good use or can be appreciated, i dun mind giving it to her..juz tt i dun feel gd as afterall, it is 2nd hand...i myself dun realli mind using 2nd hand stuff, but i dun realli dare to give plp 2nd hand stuff...

after this little episode, i tink i will appreciate my things more and will be more careful in my spending..thank you del, for giving me this precious lesson...