Perfect Mother

On the flight back to SG from TPE, I met a middle age lady while trying to rock BD to sleep at the back of the aircraft. She strike a conversation with me since noticing I have twins. The upside or downside (depending how sociable you are) of having twins and bringing them out is, you tend to have strangers coming up to you to chat about your kids :)

First question she asked is whether twins parenthood is tough.

I pondered for a while trying to give her an answer.

The truth is, I don’t find it tough anymore after going through it for 2 years, instead I found it manageable now. Sure there are some days I feel like pulling my hair out but most of the days I think I am quite happy with things.

She was kinda impressed by me not finding it tough and can have the courage to bring them on overseas trip at this age. But seriously I just feel that we will have to play by ear in any situation that comes up.

It’s not a walk in the park to bring kids overseas let alone twins and some more boys in particular. Haha But I think we (kids and parents) will just have to try and adjust ourselves. The Dinos will have to learn to sleep in places that they are unfamiliar (they can now as compared to the last trip) and we just have to learn and managed their needs and adjust our itinerary.

We moved on to our daily routine where I described to her how we managed our schedule every night. It’s basically a mad rush to settle the Dinos before they turned too cranky and then cannot sleep.

The topic of engaging a helper came up and I confessed I was pretty against it. Perhaps I’m blessed in a way that my mummy still helps me out with some housework and Dinos’ dinner but even without her help, Mr Love and I are determine to make things work even it will be chaotic initially.

The lack of helper means that we will need to do a lot of things on our own and many a times we will find ways to improvised or increased efficiency. We are also forced to learn things more quickly so as to keep up with the Dinos and not to mentioned have greater bond with them. Dinos on the other hand will grow up knowing that since there is no extra help around they would have to be more independent.

Truth to be told, its really tough and I have lost 5kg in a span of 3 months after Dinos attend school. The stress and the rushing took a toll on me and most of the time, I don’t feel like eating dinner since my mind will be thinking of the next chore to complete so that I get to rest earlier later.

Then I’m pretty obsessed with cooking proper adult food for the Dinos on weekend nights and therefore had to plan and decide what to cook and also to see the situation on the day if I can take out how much time to do the cooking. There will be some days when they are sticky to me and I can only do 1 pot rice. On good days, I can whip out 2 dishes and 1 soup using my trusty kitchen appliances.

But despite the hectic schedule we are running on now, I still feel better than before. It might be also due to Dinos being more matured now and can sometimes take instructions or they are more interactive now that its kinda fun to interact with them.

It might also be due to the pride I have knowing that I participate fully during their initial growing up years despite holding a full time job and I survived the 1st 2 years without going crazy or giving up to employ helper. Also I can feel the attachment that Dinos have for me even though I was never a full time Mother after their 4th month. Any parents will know how much effort we have to put in to let your kids formed an attachement to you. For this, I am proud.

The kind lady praised me for a job well done though I am not sure how well done it was. My parting words to her is that though I am not a perfect Mother, but I am trying my best every day to provide the best environment I can to my Dinos in my context. I was told this shall be sufficient:)

Really comforting to know that I’m on the right track though might not be the best for motherhood is such an ambiguous journey that only yourself can decide the next course of action

Tag team

2018 is the year we celebrate our Tin Wedding anniversary. A decade of marriage just flew by like that. How time flies.

When looking at younger colleague preparing for her wedding now reminds me of our own 10years back. So many details have blurred and I can still remember the excitment.

10years, 2kids and many pounds heavier later, I hope we are still the same. We don't get much chance to chat nowadays since taking care of the Dinos and then housework takes up most of our waking time. It's really not a joke juggling twins parenthood and work by ourselves with occasional help from my family but I would have it another way.

I do realised we have more arguments after the Dinos came along due to different parenting views be it within ourselves or with my mum and over the course of these 2 years we have learnt how to iron out the differences peacefully and also to work on finding the balance. It wasn't easy but certainly a good learning experience.

On the other hand because we have certain similar beliefs and values, it makes this parenting journey a tad easier on most of the issues when sometimes I take the lead and Mr Love follows.

1 thing I've learnt is not to compare and have expectations. An article I once read says that arguments usually arises when your better half did not meet the expectations you set. But if you learnt not to set any, you will learn to appreciate your half better no matter what he or she does and it also minimizes disappointments.

I've learnt not to compare too.  Be it with others or among the both of us on who does what more. The bottom line is if both is committed to make things work then we should try to compromise sometimes. This is something I still need to remind myself frequently especially when I'm dead tired and temper got better of me.

That being said, I see Mr Love changing too. He would now be more proactive instead of waiting for me to give him instructions on what to do. And he would take over certain tasks like bathing and cleaning poo while he throws all packing bags and washing bottles to me.

As we proceed with our parenthood journey, we also learnt more about each other and also try to adjust ourselves to the situation and try make things work. This is essential to keep things going and also to keep our marriage afloat.

But despite all our differences, I am glad that my tag team partner is him but not anyone else.