Dear Ah Ma 2018

Dear Ah Ma,

How are you getting on with Ah Gong, Da Jiu and Xiao Bao? I hope everyone is getting well. It had been a busy year with your 3 great grandsons growing up.

For the 1st time in many years after your passing, I dream of you and you carried Lucas in my dream. I would like to think that you are trying to tell me that you saw him when I brought him back to offer you prayers. I would bring Louis back once he recovered fully from the recent flu. Do let me know which Dino you find more cute haha.

Ah Liang's son is also growing up well and good. He's already learning to walk and talk and would often come home to visit mummy.

The way mummy indulges in her grandsons reminded me a lot of you spoiling us when we were young. Many times, I was reminded of the great time we had while staying with you during holidays and how you always got our back. Now that I am a mother, I finally also realised how exasperating it is to deal with a doting grandmother haha.

Our family photo 2018

There are also some good news coming from the aunties and uncles family. Nin Nin had graduated and will be starting her specialist course soon. You will be so proud that there is a doctor in our family. Ah Di has also graduated and will be soon starting work and Serena is now pursuing her studies in London. And Ah Yun is pregnant with her 1st child. Please help to watch over these cousins and let everything in their way be smooth.

After so many years of your passing, I realised I didn't really got over you. Every little things in life reminds me of you. I hope that mummy will have this special bonding/effect on my sons next time too:)

Be well and happy Ah Ma. Please watch over Mummy and Papa and blessed them with good health and happiness. Please help me to take good care of XB.

Till the next update Ah Ma.

Missing you lots,

Your eldest Grand daughter, Ah Le.

Dear XB 2018

Dear XB,

Mummy wondered where are you now? Have you already been reborn to a family and leading a better life now? Mummy will never get to find out.

6years on, I still cannot get over you though the pain has healed. I know you will be well somewhere but many times I just hope to know how well you are and whether you are doing good for it's my biggest wish to know you are currently well. But it's  too much to ask for isn't it?

Your 2 brothers are growing up well and fighting cats and dogs daily. They are a joy to be with and I sometimes hope you are here to guide them and help mummy out when I get overwhelmed.

Things are sometimes never meant to be isn't it? I've come to accept it.

No matter where you are now, mummy hope that you are growing up well and healthy and always be surrounded with love and laughter.

Be well my lost child.

I missed you dearly.

Love,

Mummy.

Perfect Mother

On the flight back to SG from TPE, I met a middle age lady while trying to rock BD to sleep at the back of the aircraft. She strike a conversation with me since noticing I have twins. The upside or downside (depending how sociable you are) of having twins and bringing them out is, you tend to have strangers coming up to you to chat about your kids :)

First question she asked is whether twins parenthood is tough.

I pondered for a while trying to give her an answer.

The truth is, I don’t find it tough anymore after going through it for 2 years, instead I found it manageable now. Sure there are some days I feel like pulling my hair out but most of the days I think I am quite happy with things.

She was kinda impressed by me not finding it tough and can have the courage to bring them on overseas trip at this age. But seriously I just feel that we will have to play by ear in any situation that comes up.

It’s not a walk in the park to bring kids overseas let alone twins and some more boys in particular. Haha But I think we (kids and parents) will just have to try and adjust ourselves. The Dinos will have to learn to sleep in places that they are unfamiliar (they can now as compared to the last trip) and we just have to learn and managed their needs and adjust our itinerary.

We moved on to our daily routine where I described to her how we managed our schedule every night. It’s basically a mad rush to settle the Dinos before they turned too cranky and then cannot sleep.

The topic of engaging a helper came up and I confessed I was pretty against it. Perhaps I’m blessed in a way that my mummy still helps me out with some housework and Dinos’ dinner but even without her help, Mr Love and I are determine to make things work even it will be chaotic initially.

The lack of helper means that we will need to do a lot of things on our own and many a times we will find ways to improvised or increased efficiency. We are also forced to learn things more quickly so as to keep up with the Dinos and not to mentioned have greater bond with them. Dinos on the other hand will grow up knowing that since there is no extra help around they would have to be more independent.

Truth to be told, its really tough and I have lost 5kg in a span of 3 months after Dinos attend school. The stress and the rushing took a toll on me and most of the time, I don’t feel like eating dinner since my mind will be thinking of the next chore to complete so that I get to rest earlier later.

Then I’m pretty obsessed with cooking proper adult food for the Dinos on weekend nights and therefore had to plan and decide what to cook and also to see the situation on the day if I can take out how much time to do the cooking. There will be some days when they are sticky to me and I can only do 1 pot rice. On good days, I can whip out 2 dishes and 1 soup using my trusty kitchen appliances.

But despite the hectic schedule we are running on now, I still feel better than before. It might be also due to Dinos being more matured now and can sometimes take instructions or they are more interactive now that its kinda fun to interact with them.

It might also be due to the pride I have knowing that I participate fully during their initial growing up years despite holding a full time job and I survived the 1st 2 years without going crazy or giving up to employ helper. Also I can feel the attachment that Dinos have for me even though I was never a full time Mother after their 4th month. Any parents will know how much effort we have to put in to let your kids formed an attachement to you. For this, I am proud.

The kind lady praised me for a job well done though I am not sure how well done it was. My parting words to her is that though I am not a perfect Mother, but I am trying my best every day to provide the best environment I can to my Dinos in my context. I was told this shall be sufficient:)

Really comforting to know that I’m on the right track though might not be the best for motherhood is such an ambiguous journey that only yourself can decide the next course of action

Tag team

2018 is the year we celebrate our Tin Wedding anniversary. A decade of marriage just flew by like that. How time flies.

When looking at younger colleague preparing for her wedding now reminds me of our own 10years back. So many details have blurred and I can still remember the excitment.

10years, 2kids and many pounds heavier later, I hope we are still the same. We don't get much chance to chat nowadays since taking care of the Dinos and then housework takes up most of our waking time. It's really not a joke juggling twins parenthood and work by ourselves with occasional help from my family but I would have it another way.

I do realised we have more arguments after the Dinos came along due to different parenting views be it within ourselves or with my mum and over the course of these 2 years we have learnt how to iron out the differences peacefully and also to work on finding the balance. It wasn't easy but certainly a good learning experience.

On the other hand because we have certain similar beliefs and values, it makes this parenting journey a tad easier on most of the issues when sometimes I take the lead and Mr Love follows.

1 thing I've learnt is not to compare and have expectations. An article I once read says that arguments usually arises when your better half did not meet the expectations you set. But if you learnt not to set any, you will learn to appreciate your half better no matter what he or she does and it also minimizes disappointments.

I've learnt not to compare too.  Be it with others or among the both of us on who does what more. The bottom line is if both is committed to make things work then we should try to compromise sometimes. This is something I still need to remind myself frequently especially when I'm dead tired and temper got better of me.

That being said, I see Mr Love changing too. He would now be more proactive instead of waiting for me to give him instructions on what to do. And he would take over certain tasks like bathing and cleaning poo while he throws all packing bags and washing bottles to me.

As we proceed with our parenthood journey, we also learnt more about each other and also try to adjust ourselves to the situation and try make things work. This is essential to keep things going and also to keep our marriage afloat.

But despite all our differences, I am glad that my tag team partner is him but not anyone else.

Transitions

We let the Dinos sleep in cradle when they were about 2 months at the request of my mummy who says babies sleep better in cradles.

Previously, we will either carry them or put them in rocker to sleep and then transfer to cot after they fell asleep. Of course it would involve patting here and there during their sleep and my mum found it to be a hassle.

Since she will be the main caregiver after I returned to work, I try to give in to whatever request she makes.

Fast forward to when they are 18mths and we are about to send them to CC where all kids sleep on mattress and have 1 nap per day.

During registration, the principal suggested to let them transit to bed and 1 nap at home first since they will only start in next Jan.

So the big transition project began.

I requested both grannies to give them nap at 12pm which is the official nap time for CC but so far both have failed to do so. Both still need give 2 naps per day.

But during weekends, even if they wake up at 6.30am to play, we are able to drag their nap to 12pm. Of course we shifted their lunch time to an hour earlier. So far we've been doing for the past month and both can accustomed to this new timing on weekends. Not sure whether its due to having each other to play with but they seems to have boundless energy and don't even need a nap.

I'm also able to get them to sleep on bed/ mattress by making them lie beside me while nursery rhymes are put on repeat mode and I'll pat them.

Small Dino will want run around the room before sleep. When he's tired, he would come beside me to lie down and asked me to start patting him.

Big Dino on the other hand loves to "chat" while lying on the bed side by side. He would then slowly drift to sleep. This is quite my style except that he is still talking his baby language while I answer in whatever topic I can think of. Nevertheless, he's pretty happy during the sessions.

Come to think of it, I must be mad to introduce 2 changes at the same time for them. Luckily they adapted quite well and I can now say the transitions are successful but only when I'm in charge. Hopefully they will get use to it when attending CC next year.

Of attention and love and sleepless nights

I often get questions on how is Twins motherhood for me since I'm like a zombie most of my waking hours recently. You try not to get much sleep for 2 and half months and have to pacify crying babies in the middle of the nights and you will know why I look and act like a zombie.

Then again, it's part and parcel of Motherhood and I know I just have to rough it out.

Some senseless people will comment like why The Dinos are 18mths already and yet they still don't sleep through the night while their own (kid, nephews, niece, or whoever kid they knew) is already doing so at 6months.

Really, how the heck I know? I take it that my kids are more textbooks babies i.e Go through ALL the problems listed in those help books like Sleep Regression @ 4th, 10th and 18th months, milk strike, Terrible 2 stages (Yes, it had began) etc etc.

It doesn't make things easier that they both go through these together and I do not have a 50%  discount with 1 giving me a hard time only.

My question is SO WHAT?

So what my kids are making me suffer?

I became their mother by choice. In fact I fought hard to bring them to this world knowing what I am in for though not knowing the magnitude.

I knew it's not going to be easy dealing with twins and we decided not engaging a helper.

I wanted to experience motherhood even though it is tough when I am a full time working mother.

I wanted to look back knowing that I tried my very best as a mother to my kids, bringing in the dough with their Papa and yet look after them wholeheartedly. I wanted to give them all my love and attention in whatever limited amount I have left after work.

After all you cannot be giving them life and leaving them to other's care be it Grandparents or helper.

I might not be the best mother who planned everything perfectly for them but I do plan in their best interest.

Of course there are days when I feel so tired that I just wanna fall back and sleep my butt off. But I will always be on my feet again when reminded on how not easy I got the Dinos.

I know that these shall all pass soon and a day will come that they would not need my full attention or reciprocate my loving actions to them.

But before that day comes, I wanna enjoy basking in their attention and love.

My boys including the old 1.

Dear Ah Ma 2017

Dear Ah Ma,

How are you getting on with Ah Gong, Da Jiu & XB? I hoped all of you are well.

Its been a real busy year as your great grand sons grow and with a new addition of Ah Liang's son to our family in Apr.

Er Jiu's grand son is born last Oct while Xiao Jiu got another grandson in Mar this year to. The total great grandsons you have currently stands at 6 though is not a grand number considering you have 18 of us grand children. But slowly and steadily the other cousins will add up the numbers. 

Mummy got more busy than ever with her looking after my sons during weekdays and trying to go see Ah Liang's son during weekend. But I know she is happily busy. 

We will be sending my sons to childcare next year and hope to ease her burden though I suspect she will go stand outside the school and observe them.

Please continue to watch over us Ah Ma, and blessed Mummy and Papa with good health to watch our kids grow. 

Our 2017 family photo sans Ah Liang who is away for work

I hope you all are well where ever you are and I look forward to give you an update next year. 

Missing you always,

Your eldest grand daugther, Ah Le

Dear XB 2017

Dear XB,

How are you? It's been 5 years since you are gone and I never failed to feel the pain on this very day I lost you 5 years ago. 

I dreamt of holding on to an older boy while bringing your brothers out for a shopping trip and I wondered is it that you came to my dreams to see us? The thing is I cannot recall your face in the dream. I can only remembered holding your hands tightly as we shop. This is the 1st time in 5 years I dreamt about you so clearly.

It's been a very busy day for mummy today. Trying to get through work and come home to your brothers.

Now that they are both sleeping and I have some quiet time to myself, I start to recall of how I lost you. The pain is still raw even with 5 years gone. The thought of having you with me had I not lost you pains me still. 

As I go through this motherhood journey with your brothers, I get reminded how we didn't have a chance to go through it together. It still pains me alot alot to know I will never know how motherhood is like with you and how you never know what it is to be in our household. 

But I want you to know that we love you alot alot. Not any less than your brothers though you are physically not here with us. I hope you know that you are dearly missed and had already found a good family to be reborn into and enjoy a good life ahead. 

I hope the prayers we arrange during every 7th month will let you have a smooth path ahead.

I do hope you are well where ever you are.

Always loving you,
Mummy

Mummy's hack Part 2

So half a year had flown by since I did up my Mummy's hack post. I realised I missed out some and also found some hacks along the way.

1). Recording of feeding time

This was initially a "homework" for us when we first discharge to go home. The key is to monitor feeding amount, number of poos and pees and also colour of poo for the boys. I found this method so useful that got Mr Love to go buy a exercise book to record the feeding time, amount, poo and pee times.

From there I will know when to increase the milk intake. I.E. if they start asking for milk every 2 hours since they can usually last 3 hours in between. Or how much did we feed them each day. You will need to give polyclinic a rough estimate to see whether they are taking enough.

The initial days poo and pee diapers times are also essential to know for this is to make sure they passed out enough to clear jaundice.

For me who are dealing with twins, I find it easier to know what is the next feeding time for we staggered the feeding time to make it possible to do solo night feeding.

Even now that they are a year plus, I would also check how much they are taking in a day. There's no need to add more feeding now that they are on solids but it is helpful to let me plan their meal times.

My record books

2). Filing up the bottle with milk powder beforehand

This is my saver back in the days I do solo night feeding or even during the day. I would prepare the milk powder 1st in the bottle judging from the last feed amount.

 Also, I would like the measuring bottle with room temperature water first. When it is time to make milk when the Dinos scream, all I have to do is to top up the hot water into measuring bottle and pour into the milk bottle and shake and viola! Milk is ready.

This seriously save my life as when the Dinos cry for milk, it would erupt into screaming fit for the milk in no time. Fast is the key word to make them drink. There's a period of time that they would reject drinking milk if you attend to them too slow and must slowly coax them back.

So now in order to save time and not make myself fumble while making milk, I would pre-prepare powder and room temperature water first. But only during morning feed since I am too sleepy eyes to concentrate. They had come to the stage that I can tell them to wait for me to make milk when they wanna drink. Big boys now huh.

Ready bottles

3). Thermos Shuttle Chef

This is introduced by my colleagues and is especially useful for working mums though I am using it for weekends only if we are going out.

The Dinos now eat 2 meals of porridge and I do not want to compromise their solid intake even if we have to go out.

The Shuttle chef basically cooks the food using its vaccum insulation. All I have to do is to make my porridge boil over fire in the inner pot and placed it inside the outer pot and let it cook my porridge further till it's time to feed the Dinos.

I usually used this when we need go out run errands in the afternoon and it is too late to cook dinner when we are back. Do not have to bring out though, just put at home and let it cook. It's also useful for outings, like recently the zoo outing we had. Dinos get to eat their favourite pork and carrot porridge while we adults eat the overpriced café food.

4). Tupperwares

I actually love buying Tupperware containers even before having children. But when Dinos came along, it's even more essentially to have these air tight containers at hand.

Now that they Dinos are taking porridge, besides giving them meat I also need to add in vegetables in their diet. I usually give spinach, carrots, potatoes, sweet potatoes and pumpkins just to name a few.

Spinach is the most difficult to store since the leaves would turn limply after days in fridge and the Dino (only 1 at home during weekday) don't eat as fast. I came up with the idea of plucking the leaves out and storing in Tupperware's freezer mate series and then putting in the vegetable compartment.

The leaves are still healthy looking even after a week.

So now I store my meat and veggies in the tupperwares to maintain it's freshness. Also I can go marketing once a week to top up the

Part of my Tupperware slash

5). Bean Sprout Pillow

I got them a bean sprout pillow each even before they are born. Got it at the market near my mum's house and the auntie can still customised the pillow cases.

This is especially useful when they were new born as we would placed the pillow over them while they sleep on the cot and it would prevent them from getting startled from the noises since our block is right beside the road.

As they grow bigger, I realised this acts as their comfort item too as when they are inconsolable they would calm down when they start smelling the pillow. We called it "Smelly smelly" in Mandarin.

Since birth we've changed 3 different sizes for them and it never fails to amaze me how the Dinos outgrow them within a span of a year.

6). Daiso storage bag

This is useful when we go out since I always pack their clothing in 1 separate bag and diapers, wipes and cream in another.

If we only required a diaper change, we can just take 1 of the bag to the changing room. Better than to bring the whole bag in and start fumbling for the required items.

Lame

Came across a ranting from a FB friend who was saying she found it lame that women uses their kids as excuse not to go for social or company event after work and suggest they asked their husbands to take over the kids for the night since we are always stressing about gender equality and fathers should play their part too.

 

I was enraged after reading that post after all I recently keep finding myself to be in such situation. Contemplate to reply to her ranting but I seriously cannot find time during weekend since the Dinos kept me busy. Plus I wasn't really acquainted with her to reply to her posts.

 

So I thought must as well write an entry to vent my frustrations in my own blog space.

 

You see I fall into that so called Lame Women catergory after the Dinos came alot. I literally had no social life for the first 9months, that is I do not have a vibrant social life to start with.

 

I poured myself into looking after them for the first 4months which is my maternity leave and after it ends, I juggled between having a full time job and caring for the Dinos during night and weekends.

 

The current working trend is encouraging work life balance. You worked hard, you play hard too. Which is why my company have quarterly team building event for the colleagues to bond with one and another. Before the Dinos came along, I would joined everytime be it whether I'm participating or not.

 

I've not joined a single event ever since I came back from maternity. It is not I cannot join. It is I choose not to go.

 

Here's why:

 

Exhausted Grandmother

 

Sure, my mum is helping to look after the kid but a full day down, she will be exhausted. It's not fair to ask her to work "overtime" when I get to go out to relax and make merry. Moreover she is waiting for me to buy dinner home everynight. If I don't go home on time she might have to carry the kid down(which is tiring for her) or to eat instant noodles for dinner. Why subject her to all these when she is helping to care for my babies?

 

Had the Dinos been placed in a childcare center, I would be required to reach by 7pm to fetch them or risk facing fines! So it's only right for me to provide the same timing to the grandmother but of course with some leeway for strictly reaching home by 7pm.

 

Bonding time

 

You never get enough time with your kids.

Trust me. You will N.E.V.E.R. Especially to a working mother. Everyday you come home realizing your kid had learnt something new and you did not witness it. It sucks. Really.

 

As much as I cannot imagine life as a SAHM but I also will miss the Dinos while at work.

 

Wondering how they are doing? Wondering whether they figure out any new tricks. Wonder whether they take their meals and milk smoothly today. Sometimes it gets so bad that I sneak peeks at their photos on my phone before continuing with work.

 

So the daily 1 or 2 hours I get with my Dinos before their bedtime is extremely precious to me. It's the only time in the day they see and play with their mummy.

 

So no amount of guilt towards my girl friends or how much I wanna let down my hair to chill can pry me away from the Dinos to attend social gatherings. I know if I missed this period of bonding with them, I might not have the chance to so once they grow up.

 

That being said, if the gathering is of importance. I.e My company DND, I do make an exception to go though I leave earlier than others to be home in time for their bedtime. Big Dino was waiting for me to reach home before he could sleep.

 

Actually Mr Love is pretty chill on me going out but it's me who cannot take mind of the Dinos and also worried that Mr Love and my mum will have a hard time pacifying the Dinos since they are used to having me settle them into their night routines.

 

Mummy know best

 

This is real. At least in our household. The papa cannot second guess what his sons want for the life of his and usually end up making them more irritated. It is not Papa not trying hard but I guess this ability comes more naturally to mummies.

 

The Dinos will perfer to go to mummy for most of the things except for going out. Cause only papa knows how to drive. Haha.

 

I know one might argue that if let papa handle them long enough, he might get it also but why subject them to the agony when I can be at home every night to do my mummy's duty?

Getting your Priorities right

 

You know many childless friends don't understand why our priorities shifted after children comes along. I don't blame them afterall I only know it first hand after Dinos' arrival.

 

Also if I have any free time on hand now, I would give priority to my husband who is also fighting for my attention with the boys or to give myself some ME time to find back my sanity. The last thing on my mind to go for social gatherings which make me even more tired.

 

Priorities do change over time with or without children. But the whole business of parenthood comes with certain unavoidable things i.e lack of sleep, no social life etc. You just got to suck it up. Afterall you decided you want become a parent don't you? The child cannot decide whether he or her want to come to the world. You are the one who decides whether he or she gets to come to this world. So it's only right for you to make sure their well being is taken care of properly.

 

I know some day my freedom will come back to me when the Dinos grow up and I might or might not have friends left for social life till then. Haha But at this moment I do not regret giving my attention to the boys knowing that I will regret if they grow up too fast without me knowing and witnessing their various milestones.

Post Natal Blues

Post natal blues. It sounds like something so far away from me. Once in a while I heard friends telling me their experience but no damage is done and also because it's over and therefore they can relate to me in a light hearted manner which kinda bring the severity down.

Recently a friend gave birth and by chance while chatting with her, I sensed that she might be suffering from post natal blues. Nothing too serious at the moment but still it's something we should not ignore or neglect.

I try to listen and provide as much support as I can. Try to be encouraging and also answered her queries to my best knowledge hoping that she will not feel so helpless in the situation.

This whole episode makes me realised how lucky I'm to escape post natal blues, being a first time mum and some more to twins. I had great family support even till now. My mum and elder brother help me out greatly, letting me gain back whatever sanity I can salvage. My hubby although not well versed in caring for the babies showed me that he tried his best to learn the ropes. He also did not shy away from the dreadful housework since we did not have a helper.

But most of all, I know I'm strong willed. I know I cannot afford to sink into depression since the Dinos are dependent on my well being now. I'm also not the kind to read parenting tips or guide. I rely solely on common sense, gut feelings and a bit of mummy's advices to get through.

And ya I dun care how people judged me. I always have this hao lian mindset that if you wanna judge my parenting skills. Go have a set of twins and with no helper and work full time somemore then you can come judge and teach me what to do. In another words, if you are not in my shoes, I appreciate you keep your parenting ideas to yourself or better still use on your own kids.

Another important point is I try to let myself have a bit of break whenever I can. Be it walking to the train station in the cool morning, go for evening jog twice a week, walking aimlessly in supermarket during lunch break or taking leave to go for monthly dates with Mr Love. Sure, I do feel guilty sometimes that I could have spent the time with Dinos but deep down I know I need the break to find back my identity before it is all lost in the name of motherhood.

I firmly believed that there is no good or bad parenting as long as we are not mistreating our children.

People now I realised are too caught up with the different parenting theories and in the process they forgot how to enjoy the process of parenting. 13months into this parenting business and everyday I'm learning new things while caring for the Dinos. Everyday they come up with something new and I have to react on the spot to them and this is no guide books can help since every child is different.

I must say I do enjoy motherhood though sometimes its tiring and the rewards far exceed everything. Hopefully those who going through post natal blues or thought you might be entering one can seek help and walk out of it and then start enjoy the joy of motherhood. I promised its a magical journey and you will remembered it for many many years to come.

2016 in a nut shell

2016 is the most exciting year of my life and therefore I think I should write a recap on this year on this last day of the year.

January

This is the most nerve wrecking month of the entire year. I'm at my 31st -35th week here in this month. Dinos are mostly baked and would be ok if they choose to enter into the world albeit need staycation at NICU.

But of course I would hope they are able to hold till the planned delivery week at 36th where they would bee consider full term babies for twins pregnancy.

It's the longest 1 month of my life. So near yet so far but I'm glad we pulled through.

35weeks 2days

February

I gave birth successfully in this month!! It will always be the most special month & year for me since after waiting for 8 long years then I became a mother.

Welcome to the world, Dinos

March

Mr Love went back to work after spending 1 month with us after the Dinos' birth. I missed having him waiting on me hand and foot as I start to care for the Dinos after my confinement.

This month we also started doing the night duties once my confinement end. It's the start of many sleepless night especially for me who is mostly doing the duties since I am still on maternity leave.

Family photo during their full month

April

Tried bringing the Dinos out for dinner in their super big lorry (pram) and man what a disaster it was. We had to take turns to eat ( there were 3 of us including my mummy) and take turns to bring the Dinos to changing room for diaper change. It would be quite a while later then we attempted to bring them out again.

Dinos in their lorry

May

Its Mr Love's birthday month and we decided to ditch our boys for a short getaway in Taipei. I did regretted a bit though since I missed them tons when we were there and I was told Big Dino was cranky when I was away. He missed mummy too!

However I am also glad we did this trip, to recharge after a long stressful pregnancy and also overwhelmed from being first time parents to twins!

May this year also marks our 15th dating anniversary. Sometimes I cannot believed that we are together for this long for when I look at him, I still find myself very much in love with this man :)

With love of my life

June

June officially marks the end of my long hiatus from work. 7months to be exact. It's also the start of my 24hours work shift. Full time day job and juggling with night time duties.

But I am quite seasoned with night duties by now and surprisingly, I adapt quite well when I went back to work. To think I was still worrying about not coping. I guess every month will step up to any challenge that comes their way.

Back to work

July

We finally get to try the crab feast buffet at Park Royal Beach Road hotel. Previously either I forgot to book and realized the buffet is over or last year because of pregnancy and I couldn't touch crabs.

In any case we had a great time eating the crabs and hit our full year quota. Haha

Full of crabs

August

The Dinos started solid in this month when they turned 6 months. I started them on cereal when they are 5months plus and they seems not ready.

But when we started puree in this month, they are taking it quite well.

This month also saw the beginning of mummy taking extra effort to make puree every 3days and freeze for Dinos' consumption. Sometimes I do feel pretty tired from work but other times I am encourage by their good appetite. So overtime it is!

Dinos' first food

September

We muster all our courage and try bring the Dinos out again this month for a quick dim sum breakie that mummy me is craving for months.

It was a success and we felt more confident to bring them out on short trips after this outing.

To be fair, it is not impossible to bring Dinos out. Just that the logistics part is a bit of a put off. And moreover they rely a lot on the cradle to fall asleep.

We have since trained them to sleep while I baby wear them.

Dim sum brunch success

October

 Following the success of bringing the Dinos out, I went a bit more and try to bring them out for half a day shopping trip with my mummy.

Since there are only 2 of us and my mummy cannot handle prolonged carrying of the Dinos, I took 2 half day leaves on Fridays to bring them out 1 by 1.

Love the individual bonding time we have with the Dinos.

Small Dino meeting Auntie Lena from Taiwan

 Thankfully, the Dinos were generally well behave and cooperative during the trip. They enjoyed themselves too while taking in the sights. This is the first time that I brought them to take long distance bus and train rides into town and both of them were in awe of the surroundings.

Afternoon tea and shopping session with Big Dino

November 


Mr Love and I went to try out Cheese Mookata at the recommendation of his colleagues for our Nov couple date.

Had always wanted to try this Thai steamboat cum BBQ but found no chance.

We felt in love with the heavenly taste of the soup after the fats from BBQ meat flow into it.

Sinful I know but it is just superb. It would be a very long time later before we would come back since we only can try 1 new thing every month now. Haha

Nov 16 couple date

 

 

 

 

We celebrated piggy brother's this month at Yum Cha restaurant. He was overjoyed to have his 2 panda nephews with him though they did not manged to wear his gift of panda suits after Small Dino had an poo explosion.


December

We have come to last month of the year and this is the most happening month of all.


I slotted in 4 afternoon high tea in this month. Haha. To think I had never been to an afternoon high tea in all my life.

Met up with Partner for a good afternoon chat. I am so glad to have her in my life all these years and more so when we became mothers since she understands my situation and took half day leave just to have some chilling time with me without our children.

Partner and I

Then I also finally met my twin mummies friends whom I have chatted with for the past 7months over group chats. Cannot wait to meet all of them along with our buds. It will be so so interesting to have at least 30 children but only 15sets of parents. Haha

Small Dino solo date with mummy

New friends:)

Then I met up with my secondary school friend and her daughter who is a month younger than my Dinos.

With Alison and our buds

This month also saw me bringing the Dinos out solo to the gatherings. I must say it is pretty smooth sailing and my boys did me proud by being cooperative.

The final couple date of the year saw Mr Love and me sipping afternoon tea at Fullerton Hotel. What a way to sum up our 2016 monthly dates.

Dec 16 Couple date

In conclusion, I had a blast this year. No doubt there are other unhappy things happening but I choose to focus on the happy things instead.

After having my Dinos, I realized nothing in the world can be compared to them. As long as they are healthy and happy, there is nothing that I want to ask for already.

Family photo 2016

May 2017 be as good as 2016 and I look forward to the year witnessing my Dinos' growth and also happiness in my household.

Cheers.

To Lucas

To my small boy whom I lost my temper at last night:

Mummy is really sorry for getting angry and scolding at you in the middle of night at 1.30am while you screamed your lungs out and refuse to be calm down cuz Papa is slow in feeding you your last night feed.

But mummy also know how fast you will forget about it given that you start smiling at me after you calm down and even holding my hand while you were drifting off to Lalaland after you finally drink the milk.

This is why I still insist to let you sleep beside me instead of your Kor Kor cause I know I make you feel safe by even letting you hold a finger while you drift to sleep when you stirred.

Mummy is just too exhausted last night. Having gone thru 3 nights of crankiness from you and Kor Kor. The only thing mummy wished is to have a better sleep last night so that I can deal with allotment today.

I know sometimes you both only wants mummy to feed but papa is also trying his best with you both you know?

As mummy typed this post now, I'm dealing with a massive headache and a long day at work.

Mummy only hopes that you will know that despite losing my temper at you last night, mummy still loves you alot and is sorry for being harsh with you and mummy is not complaining about having to do night duties but certainly hopes you can make it easier by cooperating a bit while drinking your milk.

Be good my Lucas and always be the cheeky boy that mummy loves. For it's your cheekiness that keeps mummy entertained whenever the day gets bad.

Love,
Your sorry mummy

Mummy's hack

Being a first time mummy is a scary thing and it's even scarier to be facing twins. Double trouble.

Though I get alot of advice and tips from people around me, there is only so much I could take in. 

After all, all children are different. You have to go through it yourself to figure out how to handle your kids. Period.

That being said, there are some general things everyone could adopt to make your parenthood journey easier.

Here's my version:

1). Baby sleeping bag

Its the oldest trick in the book to make your baby sleep more soundly by swaddling them. But if you have the same swaddle skills like me which means its non existence, then I suggest you to buy the zip up sleeping bag to zip your child in it.

My skills were so bad that the Dinos managed to break free 3S EVERY SINGLE TIME I swaddle them. The minute their hands are out, they would be waving it around and get startled easily and sleeping will be the last thing on their little minds. 

1 hand out

We initially try using those cloth pants meant to keep cloth diapers in place to secure the swaddle. It only works for a month before Dinos outgrow it. For fear for hindering their growth, I did away with the method. I tried using those velco book binders and tie around them and it didnt work out too. That's how desperate I wanna swaddle them and how noob I am in doing it.

Improvised swaddle

Improvised swaddle V2

Stumble across this sleeping bag in QOO initially and there's no looking back. I brought 2 at 15bucks each to try and it worked like magic. Not only it provide the much needed swaddle but it's also convenient for changing diaper since the zipper works both way - up& down. Juz need to unzip from the bottom, pull out their lower body for diaper change and put back and zip up. Need not re swaddle again.

Dinos in their sleeping bag

Unhappy Big Dino

Let their hands out when they are older

Upgraded to hands out version

I love it so much that I went Taobao to search and realised its much overpriced in SG (what's new?).

Got it at 7bucks each and I brought different sizes all the way to 2years old. Haha. The boys eventually outgrew the phase where their hands need be bounded together to sleep well and I transit to the version with hands sticking out of the bag but their legs will be still kept inside the bag.

2). Walk away from it

You know sometimes no matter what you do, you are not able to calm your crying child down? Pass the baby to someone and walk away from it for a while. It works like magic for us.

Once in a while the Dinos will throw tantrums and refuse to be coax no matter what I do. Initially, I will try all means and ways to pacify them but patience do run thin ya? Sometimes, I'll flare up but it didn't help much in making them calm down or at least keep quiet.

There was this once when Mr Love was nearby and I was trying to calm small dino down for the past 15min and patience ran out for me. I passed small Dino to him and that rascal immediately quieten down!!

From then on, we knew. Sometimes the Dinos are just trying to irritated the hell out of the person pacifying them. Passing to another person helps. Haha

3). Nose Frida

Big Dino had excessive phlegm when he was 2 months old and was coughing quite badly. It affected his sleep and mine too as I was afraid he would be either choked by the phlegm or have breathing difficulties due to excessive coughing.

One fine day we decided to bring him to a PD and the PD sucked out a small bottle of mucus using a machine it freaking set us back by 270bucks. Expensive much.

My mum enquired about using a over the counter sucking device to help clear and he told us its of not much use. But if I keep needing to go back to him for sucking out the mucus, we will be broke in no time. Plus there's 2 Dinos.

I googled a bit and decided to go buy nose frida and try sucking out the mucus on my own. There are quite a few time of different sucking devices available but I chose this because it was non invasive and you just need to suck via a tube.

I do not have a powerful lung that works as well as the PD's machine but I've got patience. Diligently sucked their mucus every night and the boys phlegm cleared up.

Sometimes when it gets too different to clean their nose, I'll use this to suck out their booger or at least move it nearer to the exit for digging it out. Haha.

4). Extra scope of Cereal

Wanted to start Dinos on cereal when they were 4 months plus but seems not ready as they couldn't swallow properly during feeding. Not wanting to waste the cereal I brought, I decided to add to their milk during last bottle to let them feel fuller and last longer till next feed and also to get use to the cereal taste.

Though the Dinos don't take cereal now that they are on puree and porridge but I still add 1 scope to their last bottle. They can usually last 2more hours than usual.

5). Moveable Rack

When we first had the Dinos, they were sleeping with my aunt in the study room since she took care of them most and we did not want keep moving them.

After their 1st month, we were to move them back to my room at night as I'm taking night duties. But there are other more things to move to.

Hot water flask, milk bottles, room temperature water container, diapers, extra clothing/ hankies etc. We need move them to and fro my room and the study room everyday and it's irritating. Plus there's isn't much space on my night table to hold all these.

I came up with the idea of buying a rack with wheels to hold these and all we have to do is to move this rack where ever we move the Dinos to. The inspiration came from going to the hair salon after my confinement. Haha.

So the 1st rack will be holding hot and room temperature water, the measuring bottle and milk powder.

2nd level will be holding all the milk bottles. I used to prepare at least 10 for a night when they were younger since they gave irregular drinking hours. Sometimes, small Dino will be asking for an extra serving before bedtime.

Our Rack

3rd level is told extra clothing since we kept their clothes in the study room and did not want to walk across the hallway at night when we need the clothes to change them urgently. There's extra hankies, toys now in this level too.

The last level is for diapers where we will top up whenever the supply runs low.

My colleagues were joking to me that because my house is bigger that's why I need this rack while people with smaller house can just walk and get the items. But seriously you wouldn't want to walk outside and make milk while your baby is crying don't you? Or when you need a change of clothes when they throw up or need change the soiled diaper. You would wish everything is within reach since time is essence when it comes to changing or dealing with babies. 

6). Toys arc

I got this toy arc thing from Taobao when we were due to send and fetch Dinos from their granny's place daily. Figured out that it would at least keep them entertained on the journey. Its' useful no doubt but for short while only before they got bored with it. 

7). Teething necklace

I saw bestie buying it for her younger son's use and thought of buying it too because I find the designs nice to wear as necklace. Haha

My hauls

But it proves to be useful as the Dinos are now at the stage of wanting to bite every other thing to ease their gums' itchiness and also trying their very best to pull out my necklace every time I carry them. 

By wearing the necklace, it at least distracts them from my own necklace and also gives them something to bite on. I brought the baby carrier version and clipper version so that my mummy can hang 1 on her bag when she brings them for bus rides and 1 can be clip on their PJ to entertain them on their car ride with their papa. 

Small Dino biting one

Am now thinking to buy more design haha. Even if they outgrown it, I can still use as my accessories. 

These are what I can currently think of as of now. How about your hacks?

Confrontational

I believe I'm a person who will not shy away from confrontations but there are really times I need bite my lips to avoid one.

Am not the most forgiving person you will come across. In fact, I can remember grudges longer than most people though I might or might not show it to you.

As my colleague sums up my character, I'm someone who can treat you 10times better on how well you treat me. But the vice versa applies when you mistreat me.

In general, I go by the rule of not harming or causing trouble for others unless provoked. In fact, I have this belief that if you stirred shit, karma will come knocking on your door one day. The same applies to taking advantage of people. Won't do it in million years since I do not like to be taken advantage of.

There are a series of happenings recently of people trying to either create trouble or just plain shameless to take advantage of the situation and it concerns the well being of my Dinos.

I might be inconvenient in the situation and I do not appreciate people just take things for granted. I might let go once or twice but if it gets over my limit ( which is mostly not alot especially it comes to my Dinos) I will not hesitate to let you know my thoughts.

You are the ones who walked out because you wanted convenience back then but came running back when your personal needa arises, you turn back without a second thought whether it will affect others or not. How nice. I chose to keep quiet to maintain peace not because I'm scare or afraid of trouble.

The thing I don't understand about some is how can you find your own children troublesome and wanted easy way out after bringing them to this world.

You should know better how difficult it is to bring up a child at this period and even you don't the 1st time, you chose to have a 2nd one. That is your personal choice and please stick to your responsibility.

I might not be the best mum around but I can confidently say I gave in my most to my Dinos no matter how difficult they are. Yes they a difficult pair that even the grannies also afraid of them. Their cries, their tantrums, their crankiness are no joking matter when you multiple by 2 at the same time. Trust me, it,s enough to drive a person with lesser determination insane.

But when I think back how badly I wanted a child in the past 8years, how much heart pain I had when I lost XB, how much medication and treatment I took prior to conceive them, how hard I fought to keep them baking back then is enough to let me hang on despite all the tiredness.

Maybe you might not experienced what I've gone through but the least you can do as parents should at least be responsible for your own children. If you are not, the least you can do is NOT compromised well being of other's children. That's a basic understanding for parents but if you choose to hide your conscience behind your selfish needs, I have nothing to say.

I know I will find peace after ranting it out here and to my surrounding friends, family memebers and colleagues. But really I do hope one day you will be awake or matured enough to stop this rubbish.

Daunting

When the Dinos were born, I had decided against to let them sleep in cradles despite my mummy's advice. Reason being, I do not want them to rely much on the swaying motion to fall asleep.

But when she took over to look after them full them to prepare me going back to work, mummy insisted for me to get cradles for them as she find it difficult to let them fall asleep without it. I think it's because its the only method she knew now to coax a baby to sleep given she used the same while we were young.

Mr Love and I gave in to the request. After all she's gonna be the 1 facing Dinos bulk of the time and I do not want make her life difficult. Turns out, my mil had the same request too. So its easier for us since the 2 care givers are on the same page.

Truth to be told, its easier to let them sleep in the cradles and it saves us quite alot of trouble when getting them to sleep during their initial months.

The down side is they so accustomed to sleeping in the cradles that they are not able to fall asleep on bed. Maybe once in a while yes, but if during nap or bed time, they would need to go back to the cradle. It makes it difficult for us to bring them out and we were mostly at home till recently.

Told Mr Love that we should start exposing the Dinos to going out and should start with our neighbourhood first.

People around me always questioned why we don't bring the Dinos out. I was like if you are not a parent of multiples, you don't come tell me how you are able to cope with going out with 2 children but of different age. To top it off, Mr Love and I are on our own on weekends, we do not have an extra pair of hands and we certainty did not want to bother our family members just so that we could go out.

Its different to be bringing 2 babies of the same age out. They have the same needs and are equally dependent on you. If you have a toddler and a baby, at least the toddler can listen to simple instructions or be a bit more self independent than the baby. Ours is a totally different game.

I'm not saying bringing a toddler and baby out is easy but it's definitely not as difficult as bringing twins out at least at my current stage.

We need an extra pair of hands when its milk time, to make the milk or to coax the impatient hungry screaming baby.

We need an extra pair of hands when 1 of the parents need go toilet.

We need an extra pair of hands during meal time since the Dinos are not able to sit on their own yet.

As much as I love to go out and have a meal,it seems impossible now till the Dinos can sit on high chair and entertain themselves.

That being said, I'm still hoping to do it in the coming months. Am now training to let them fall asleep on us while baby wearing them out. So far so good. Louis was cooperative when I took him to buy breakie yesterday. The queue was insanely long and I'm insane enough to join it.

Thought he might be pissed off since we struck in a queue ( he likes us to walk around so that he can take in the views). But he was just happy looking at the crowd and fell asleep even before I get to order my breakie. He slept all the way till I go on the bus to go home and woke up happy.

We tried going to the nearby mall too and successfully let them fall asleep on us when they are tired of looking around. But the real challenge starts when we got home.

Last Saturday, we did the same. Went out for a short walk at the mall at 3.30pm after the Dinos' nap and milk. It should gives us 2hours or so of free time. By the time we got home, it's time for small Dino's meal time and I fed him porridge. Big Dino seems to be jealous and demanded porridge too though it's still quite early for his next meal. I fed him after small Dino but he was too cranky to take much.

Tried putting them to sleep after that but both were cranky and refuses. You see hear their crying. Its like gonna bring the whole block down. I decided that small Dino must be looking for milk since its 6pm and his last bottle is at 1pm. Though he took porridge but sometimes he still wants milk. Fed him and he drank all.

Mr Love also decided that Big Dino is looking for his bottle and make a bottle for him too. But alas, that guy is just being his cranky usual and got even more when his papa try feed him milk.

End up I took over to calm him down while papa went to attend to small Dino. Small Dino on the other hand wasn't happy that I left him half way and decided to cry again. Man, Mr Love and I nearly died. We know they are tired and want to sleep but there's just something in their mind to keep crying and refuse to be calm no matter what papa do.

End up, I brought small Dino for his night bath. The Dinos have this habit of sleeping after a bath and I was hoping for the best. Turns out to be true. He fell asleep right after his bath. Did the same for Big Dino and he too fell asleep soon after.

It was about 2 hours later after coaxing, feeding, rocking and bathing them then we got to sit down for the 1st time after coming home. Was especially taxing on me since all they want is mummy only. Papa can only be the side entertainer for a while.

Tiring as it might be, but I have no qualms to bring them out again. I hope that by bringing them out often enough will accustomed them to being used to it and therefore not be as cranky as now after the trip.

Daunting as it is, I actually do enjoy getting out of the house with them:)