Lame

Came across a ranting from a FB friend who was saying she found it lame that women uses their kids as excuse not to go for social or company event after work and suggest they asked their husbands to take over the kids for the night since we are always stressing about gender equality and fathers should play their part too.

 

I was enraged after reading that post after all I recently keep finding myself to be in such situation. Contemplate to reply to her ranting but I seriously cannot find time during weekend since the Dinos kept me busy. Plus I wasn't really acquainted with her to reply to her posts.

 

So I thought must as well write an entry to vent my frustrations in my own blog space.

 

You see I fall into that so called Lame Women catergory after the Dinos came alot. I literally had no social life for the first 9months, that is I do not have a vibrant social life to start with.

 

I poured myself into looking after them for the first 4months which is my maternity leave and after it ends, I juggled between having a full time job and caring for the Dinos during night and weekends.

 

The current working trend is encouraging work life balance. You worked hard, you play hard too. Which is why my company have quarterly team building event for the colleagues to bond with one and another. Before the Dinos came along, I would joined everytime be it whether I'm participating or not.

 

I've not joined a single event ever since I came back from maternity. It is not I cannot join. It is I choose not to go.

 

Here's why:

 

Exhausted Grandmother

 

Sure, my mum is helping to look after the kid but a full day down, she will be exhausted. It's not fair to ask her to work "overtime" when I get to go out to relax and make merry. Moreover she is waiting for me to buy dinner home everynight. If I don't go home on time she might have to carry the kid down(which is tiring for her) or to eat instant noodles for dinner. Why subject her to all these when she is helping to care for my babies?

 

Had the Dinos been placed in a childcare center, I would be required to reach by 7pm to fetch them or risk facing fines! So it's only right for me to provide the same timing to the grandmother but of course with some leeway for strictly reaching home by 7pm.

 

Bonding time

 

You never get enough time with your kids.

Trust me. You will N.E.V.E.R. Especially to a working mother. Everyday you come home realizing your kid had learnt something new and you did not witness it. It sucks. Really.

 

As much as I cannot imagine life as a SAHM but I also will miss the Dinos while at work.

 

Wondering how they are doing? Wondering whether they figure out any new tricks. Wonder whether they take their meals and milk smoothly today. Sometimes it gets so bad that I sneak peeks at their photos on my phone before continuing with work.

 

So the daily 1 or 2 hours I get with my Dinos before their bedtime is extremely precious to me. It's the only time in the day they see and play with their mummy.

 

So no amount of guilt towards my girl friends or how much I wanna let down my hair to chill can pry me away from the Dinos to attend social gatherings. I know if I missed this period of bonding with them, I might not have the chance to so once they grow up.

 

That being said, if the gathering is of importance. I.e My company DND, I do make an exception to go though I leave earlier than others to be home in time for their bedtime. Big Dino was waiting for me to reach home before he could sleep.

 

Actually Mr Love is pretty chill on me going out but it's me who cannot take mind of the Dinos and also worried that Mr Love and my mum will have a hard time pacifying the Dinos since they are used to having me settle them into their night routines.

 

Mummy know best

 

This is real. At least in our household. The papa cannot second guess what his sons want for the life of his and usually end up making them more irritated. It is not Papa not trying hard but I guess this ability comes more naturally to mummies.

 

The Dinos will perfer to go to mummy for most of the things except for going out. Cause only papa knows how to drive. Haha.

 

I know one might argue that if let papa handle them long enough, he might get it also but why subject them to the agony when I can be at home every night to do my mummy's duty?

Getting your Priorities right

 

You know many childless friends don't understand why our priorities shifted after children comes along. I don't blame them afterall I only know it first hand after Dinos' arrival.

 

Also if I have any free time on hand now, I would give priority to my husband who is also fighting for my attention with the boys or to give myself some ME time to find back my sanity. The last thing on my mind to go for social gatherings which make me even more tired.

 

Priorities do change over time with or without children. But the whole business of parenthood comes with certain unavoidable things i.e lack of sleep, no social life etc. You just got to suck it up. Afterall you decided you want become a parent don't you? The child cannot decide whether he or her want to come to the world. You are the one who decides whether he or she gets to come to this world. So it's only right for you to make sure their well being is taken care of properly.

 

I know some day my freedom will come back to me when the Dinos grow up and I might or might not have friends left for social life till then. Haha But at this moment I do not regret giving my attention to the boys knowing that I will regret if they grow up too fast without me knowing and witnessing their various milestones.