My little brother

Past by pasar malam(night markets) on our way hm the other day and I saw the cotton candy stall as our car drove by. Suddenly, I realised I missed my kiddy brother a lot. I still remember my dating days where hubs & I will without fail go down to pasar malams when it sets up near my house. Without fail, we would buy a pack of cotton candy back for my kid brother when going hm.

Thus every time when my bro learns tat we are going to pasar malam, he would wait for us to come home eagerly so that he gets to eat his favourite cotton candy. Ever since we got married and shifted to our own house, I dun buy cotton candy for him anymore..

I guess this is part of growing up, you get distanced with your siblings as you build your own family. I dun get to see him often when I shifted out, used to be monthly when I bring mummy out for dinner after payday and would ask him to go along, but then it all changed when he shifted to his gf hse earlier this year.

Now, he doesn't really calls home, didn't bother to come home unless mummy is cooking or he needs to get/bring back things. Dun even know how he is getting on at his gf place. Only time we get to see him is when he meets mummy for dinner once in a blue moon and I would tag along.

Seriously, I miss him a lot, though we have our quarrels while growing up, we were pretty close, I am just like a 2nd mum to him, keeping him in check when mummy gets too soft hearted or busy. Guided and helped him to make many of his major decisions in his earlier part of life. Neber tot we could grew so distance in a matter of months.

As he moved on to his new phase of life, I knew I had to loose my grip on him and allowed him to make decisions on his own..Now, the only thing I can do is to wait for him to approach me should he need any guidance/advice, else, I would just need to give him the space he wanted.

Tom, Dick, Harry & Peter

Many deem hubs to be the quiet n more blocked headed 1 between the 2 of us.

Wat many did not know is,he had got his own sense of humor hidden well from the public eyes.

Check out the below conversation 1 nite..

Hubs : Who did u go dinner with juz now while I'm at work?

Me: Alot, Tom, Dick, Harry & Peter

Hubs : 骗人,cannot be all of them lo

Me: Why not?

Hubs: Dick is with me all along, how to haf dinner with you??

Busy wkend

My hubs is well known for going after the newest phone..Of cuz with iPhone 5 coming to our shores tmr, how can he pass up the chance of buying at the 1st chance he had?

He had register his interest with both Singtel & M1, making me register my interest too as my contract is free to recontract already. Didnt want to lose any chance of laying his hand on the phone you see..

Yesterday, Singtel opened their appointment booking at 10pm sharp, and only those who had registered their interest gets an invitation email to book an appt to buy the phone. Its double work in my opinion. If you had registered your interest, obviously you wanna buy rite?Why the need to log in again to book an appt? Waste of time. Anyways, I think its their way of marketing, so if wanna buy, bo bian..

So, at 10pm, hubs enlisted my help to try log on to the booking system. PC, lappie, iPad, iPhones, every gadget tat can log on to the net, we used to try to get into the system, some using our home internet, some using our phone data, hoping to get lucky.

We managed to get into the system once, but was boot out for no reason at some point while moving on to the next page. Hubs nearly flipped. Tried again for the next half hr with me giving up, and him continuing refreshing the pages on the various gadgets.

He managed to get a slot in the end, though not his ideal model, but then he is finally able to secure phone purchase on both fri & sat nite and I am suppose to acc him to MBS to collect the phone in midst of the F1 race going on there. Man, its gonna be so crowded..

Its gonna be a busy wkend of us..

Touched..

Twice today, I felt touched, beri touched that plp are still concerned over my well being despite me hafin the miscarriage 1 & a half mth ago.

During lunch, part time bf smsed me and check on my well being and asked me to meet her b4 her trip overseas so that she can noe I am well now.. Realli felt beri touched that despite me not attending her wedding during my initial pregnancy stage, not meeting her & the other gals during my pregnancy as I am instructed to move ard less and not meeting up with them again after my miscarriage as I am not in the mood to go out, she texted me on n off to make sure that I am well and not giving me pressure to meet her as she noes I need time to adjust..

I noe she is beri concerned over my well being, while trying hard not to pressurised me to let go of my loss, she needs to make me open up. Striking a balance is neber easy, texted me too often, it seem like giving me pressure, texting me too infrequent, it makes her seem unconcerned. I know she is trying her best to be her for me at the same time giving me some space to mourn. Realli grateful to her, I noe I can count on you part time, I promised to meet you b4 ur trip to catcha up:)

Then near to off work time, I met my MD's secretary while goin to the ladies. Truth to be told, we werent consider close,  just colleagues, yet everytime when she bumped into me, she will check on my recent well being, offering some tips, giving encouragement. She could haf smiled and just walked off or juz engage in small polite small tok, but she always take some time off to chat with me, to find out on my well being. Its realli touching can? Given she dun realli tok to others, this small gesture of hers is realli realli sweet.

Tat said, I noe there are many more others who are concerned, like my bestie, who despite being pregnant herself, will text me to check on me every other few days. My twin who has juz been blessed with a boi recently, checked on me every other few days too though he is tied up with his then heavily pregnant wife, jie jie who works near me is still waiting patiently for me to go lunch with her...heheh..Last but not least, my mummy, who will need call me everyday to hear my voice, though she is not as worried as during initial stages, she still checks on me daily...

I am gettin better, realli, for the sake of my dear family & fwens, for the sake of hafin another 1, I will move on strongly, though pain is still there, but I take all these in my stride..

I am not alone

These are the exact words that my fwen told me when she learnt of my miscarriage.. It does sounds hurtful at 1st, I mean, even I am not alone, cant I mourn?

Later, when I calmed down, I start to realise, realli I am not alone in this miscarriage saga. After learning of our loss, many ard us start to share their stories with us..

My boss, lost hers at 7wks, neber got ard hafing another 1, perhaps due to her age, perhaps due to work stress, we didnt manage to find out.

My colleague's wife, miscarriage twice, but went on in between to have 2 more children.

Hubs' colleague,S, who lost hers 1st and went to haf a cute gal who is 2 years old now.

Hubs' cousin-in law, who got preggies ard the same time as me, lost hers too and she lost her previous 1 too, but had 2 healthy children before.

My twin's wife, who miscarriage twice and had just given birth to a healthy boy recently.

Hub's boss, who miscarriage and had a bubbly gal now aged 6.

Hub's accountant who also lost hers at 14wks juz 2 wks after me and is on 2 mths break now.

Even the doc admistrating GA on me, told me she suffered a miscarriage b4 going to go give birth to 2 healthy children.

The most scary 1 being, my mummy's neighbour who told me she lost hers at 5mths due to bb not developing properly.

There are many more stories I heard, many started to open up and shared their stories or their fwens' stories with us, hoping to let us noe, they feel for us, they knew wat we were going thru.

We realised nearly every other person had the experience of miscarriage be it their 1st or subsequent pregnancie.

My mum was wondering aloud the other day, dunno whether our generation are weaker or her generation is made of harder stuff.

She had 3 of us smoothly, did not even haf morning sickness!!!

Perhaps is becuz she is a stay at home mum while I am juggling new work and not to mention renovations, staying with in-laws during my pregnancy bak then.

Anyhow, though I know I am not alone, it didnt take the pain away.

Not being alone doesnt mean it doesnt hurt.

Not being alone doesnt mean it helps, in fact I dun wish for any 1 to experience this as it is realli a painful experience, physically and mentally. More so, if you lost yours like my way.

I know I am not alone, but seriously how does this help?

李式笑话- Random conversation#8792649231

While watching a re-run of a Korean serial, I came across these lines:

Man (while on his 1st date wif gal): "I am going to remember today, its the happiest day of my life to go on the 1st date with you"

So, as usual, I turned ard to hubs and the following conversation follows:

Me: "老公，我们的第一次 约会是你一生最快乐的日子妈？"

Hubs (all the while eyes not leaving his iPad): "是！"

Me: "那，你还记得是几时的事吗？"

Hubs: "不记得了"

Me: "那你还说是！最快乐的日子可以忘记的么？"

Hubs (Looking sheepish) :" 你知道我有健忘症嘛。。。"

Every time onli noe how to 应酬我。。。。

Enjoying Macau..

Bro is currently working in Macau, this is the 3rd time he went there this yr, 1st time is our family trip, 2nd and tis time for work..After the 1st scare, we reminded or rather threaten him to on his hp, else there is no promise wat my mummy will ask me to do (i.e call his employer to get his contact details). He did, whahah good boy! Cuz he went MIA for 2 wks, making mummy nearly teared and jumped on the 1st plane to Macau, he knew better not to repeat this stunt again..

According to mum, he is njoying his work stint there, visiting Zhu Hai and Hong Kong on wkends. Unlike in Spore, he will usually stay at home, prefering to look at his PC rather than goin out..Having said that, I think I will do the same if I was send to work there..After all, there are more things to explore than to coop up in the hotel during wkends, whereas in Singapore, we have been to those where we wanna go.

Being a small red dot, there is nothing new every now n then to go to..Instead we usually laze at home on wkends..Contacting my bro on mummy's behalf, reminds me of our family trip earlier this yr..Though I didnt haf a good impression of Macau becuz all they can offer is onli Casinos, but I like the fact that we travelled together..

Be Safe there bro, hope u bring bak alot of tings for me from Zhu Hai...whahahah

Paper human

My mum calls me 纸人 cuz she finds me weak, falling sick every now and then..

The most recent 1 is on tue nite, where for no appranent reason, I start to vomit, had the runs, and haf beri bad stomach cramps..My stomach cramp last for the whole nite and thus didnt get a good nite slp..

Went to work next day with the cramps and tahan the whole day..Not that I'm hardworking but becuz I am due to release 1 report to my various vessels for them to prepare for the upcoming payroll and becuz my colleague is on leave, I would need to cover him, thus haf no choice but to show up for work..

Had a beri bad day, keep running to the toilet when the stomach acts up..and by the time Im due to off work,Im ready to go pay the doctor a visit..It was certified that I am suffering from stomach flu, not food posioning that I thought..

Took the next day off and mummy came to my hse..She keep teasing me that my outlook and my body condition doesnt seems to match...Beri nice mummy, wait till I get well, I will prove to you that I am not made of paper!!!

Room for improvement..

Its been nearly 1 and half mth since my miscarriage, yes I still keep track of the days and will still look at the ultrasound pictures every nite b4 falling as slp.But I felt better than initial stages..Appetite is bak, with me putting bak weight (which is not a good thing, the putting on weight part). Sleep wise, I still need to improve, either I would have trouble falling aslp, or I would not have a good slp i.e nightmares...

Going bak to work, takes up most of my free time, and most days, I come home feeling drained out..But then at the same time, it felt good to be bak. Being busy with all the stuff, joking, gossiping, chatting makes me more cheerful and not dwell on my miscarriage..

I tried to go back to shopping but without success, guess not everything can go bak to normal in such short time..We aso tried to resume our friday night dates if I am not too tired..

Many concerned fwens will try to check in with me for updates on my well being, I thank you for your concern. All I can say now is, though better, I think there is still room for improvement. Dun worry, I am getting better, realli though slow but at least not worse..