Or So I thought

In a blink of eyes, Jan 13 has come, we ushered into the new year with new hopes...

Was pretty busy at work, year end closing, while I was not realli involve in year end during my last job, onli need to ensure all costs are taken in, I was more involve in year end closing in this position.

Not neccesary a bad ting, it means that I am more involved in the higher operations now as compared to the last position. I didnt noe how I got thru the past wk, trying to take in as much expenses as I can for both vessels and office costs, dicussed and scheduled payments with the treasurer, rushing crew payroll(which is a huge thing as its festive seasons), preparing accurals, doing the long overdued GL reconcilation relating to vessels' costs. In between, looking into the high daily running cost and under reported project costs..It has been a fruitful wk.

But as I was looking at the calender planning the deadlines, I realised 28th Jan 13 is 4 wks away. It suddenly strikes me, had I not suffered from the miscarriage, XB would be dued in 4wks time, we would be excitedly counting down to his arrival. As soon as this tot strikes me, tears came to my eyes, I always tot I had moved forward, get numb to the pain, neber did I noe, I was still so affected even by looking at the ETD.

The tot gets too unbearable that I went to ladies to calm myself down, dun wanna scared the colleagues if I cannot control and burst into tears, afterall, all of them tot I had walked out of the pain. I then went bak to office after calming down and forced myself to concentrate on the work. It was not easy as I keep stealing looks at the calender, looking at 28th Jan.

I noe there is nothing I can do to turn back time, to bring bak XB, the onli sensible thing to do is to move on, but I realli didnt noe, it is juz so difficult to move on, I wonder am I being stubborn or every woman who sufferes a miscarriage is facing the same situation as me?