Its okie to grieve..

Been bak to work for 2wks and had been feelin giddy on and off..Tried to put it off but the it got worst. Finally went to doctor to day. After checking, he mentioned low blood pressure (wat's new) and also asked a few questions on my sleeping patterns etc..

I admit, I slept more than previously when I was at home resting partly becuz I was tired out by work, but then again the quality is not good at all.. Meaning to say, either I sleep thru the night with nightmares, waking up feeling more tired than ever or I would wake up at odd hrs like 4.30am or 5am and cannot go bak to slp, many times, staying awake till 7 am when its time to wake up for work.

Doc say this is affecting me from getting well and thus explains low pressure and giddy spells. I am already trying my best to move forward, realli, now tat Im bak to work, I have less time to dwell on my miscarriage as work is always busy. Hubs will try to divert my attention during dinner by chatting about anything under the sun so that I will not have any quiet moments to myself and start tinking on our loss..

But still when I lay awake on my bed, my mind would drift bak to my bb. Many times, I would fall aslp with tears in my eyes, turning away frm Hubs so tat he would not see my tears..

As much as I focus on not grieving, my doc had told me its okie to grieve though he dunno how long it would take me.. He told me its okie that I feel low for a while and then feel happie for something den go bak to feeling low. He aso told me not to feel gulity if I felt happie over something, for slowly, I would be bak to my happie self again. If I continue to feel low and neber happie, then I will not be able to find bak the feeling of being happie.

It sounds logical to me, for I would feel gulity for feeling happie somethings over certain thing. I felt that by feeling happie, I let down my BB who just his life a month ago onli and I am oredi feeling happie here. I aso have no idea how long I shd grieve den I would feel gulity every time I feel happie over something ..

Anyways, he gave me 2 days off and told me to rest as much as I can before going bak to work again and I realli follow his instructions and slp like a pig to the extend of skipping lunch these 2 days..Well, its bak to the chinese doc this sat to see how I fare after a wk's medication..I reckon it will not have any significant changes as TCM is known to tune ur body bak SLOWLY... how long more I need to take this yucky medication, I dunno, but I do hope it will prepare me well for my next pregnancy and this would not waste my efforts in enduring drinking 2 dosages every day...