Mourning

Its been 5 days since I lost my BB, since like all happens yesterday. I rejected all well-wishes' intentions for a visit. Not that I dun welcome them, juz tat I cannot bear to tok about this episode now without crying. Further more, it adds salt on the wound by repeating myself each time one ask how I lost my BB..

Hubs' family came yesterday, I had a hard time attending to them, need to be strong in front of visitors, putting up a front, tired out by the visit as they stayed for a few hrs, and of cuz repeating the details to my mil on the fateful day, bringing bak the pain that I try so hard to forget.

Many asked me, how am I coping so far, asking me not to dwell on it and dun be too sad..How not to dwell on it when I lost my baby this way, he's part of me for a good 3 and half mths for god's sake. When he left me, I felt like part of me left too, not going to feel complete from now on..

Hubs been beri supportive over this period though he is grieving too..He too, like me lost a child, and tot he nearly lost me when he saw how much I bled. On some nites, we just hug and cry together b4 falling aslp when we think of how we used to tok to our unborn child every night before bedtime.

Everything I do now, reminds me of this little 1 once inside me where both of us was so eager to welcome to this world. I tried to be happie, tried to keep myself busy to take it off my mind. None helps, in the end, I decided to juz grieve as much as I can before bouncing bak, this is my mourning period, our mourning period. No matter how much every 1 tells me that I should stay strong, the least I tink I can do is to mourn for this unborn child, this is the only thing I can do for him, I do not wan to forget him or the pain so fast, I wan to rememeber him, for the joy he brought us over the past 3mths plus...

I miss you BB, hope that you hear mummy's prayers every nite praying tat you are in somewhere safe and in good hands and leading a good life that you should have. Mummy will stay strong, hopefully you will too, juz like the way you did when we were about to lose you. I will always rememeber you, little fighter, thank you for the joy and happiness you brough to us, thank you for being part of me once, I thank god for the short time we had together, for it will be the sweetest memory I ever had when expecting my 1st child...