Juz last sun, i was busy preparing to go for the annual bday celebration of hub's ah ma, doin my nails, choosing an outfit, getting ready her angbao, making up, looking at the time anxiously to see why hubs is still nt hm yet...
When we reached the restaurant, Hubs' uncle told us tat ah ma has fainted and have been sent to the hospital..still, i was nt so panickly as uncle was still having his dinner..it was when dad in law called and told us tat she's in a critical condition den i start to panic..we immediatelt rushed to the hospital..but as hubs n i were nt sure where the A&E dept is, we parked the car miles away...as we make our to the A&E dept, Ying msg n told us ah ma was gone..
the msg hit both of us badly, we ran all the way thru the A&E room, despite being out of bounds to outsiders, and when we saw the whole family lookin at us thru bloodshot eyes, we knew everything was too late..the sinking feeling in my heart still lingers even now..
memories keep floodin bak to me, the days where i was still a gf, till i married into their family, the gatherings we haf, the times when she will go over 4 a visit during hubs' bday, the time when she was so happie during our wedding, the time when i visit her during CNY 1st time as her grand daughter in law, the time when she sat beside me during hubs' bro wedding, everything came bak..it was too sudden, juz in the afternoon, we were all preparing to celebrate her bday, yet she was admitted to the hospital instead...it's all too sudden..
all of my grand parents haf passed away when i was younger, and being their grand daughter in law, i regard them as my grandparents aso..the news came bad to me, it hit me hard as i am not good at accepting death news..
it pains me to see ah gong crying his eyes out when he learnt tt she had passed away, the wailing, the beggin for her to come bak, the regret he have, it makes the news even harder to accept...it makes me realise, that after nearly 60 yrs of being together, suddenly, they are separated by death..i haf no idea how to console him to be frank, i can feel his pain, but there is nothing i can do to console him, it makes me difficult to face him when he is crying for it makes me wanna cry with him..to see a 80yr old man, who is always regards as a strict person to cry like tt,it dawns on me how deep their love is..i wonder, when our time is up, will hubs n i be as loving as his grand parents?i certainly hope so...
Hubs been veri affected by his ah ma's death aso although he is keeping to himself..the night when we came hm frm the hospital, we were too distraught to console each other, we juz hug each other while sitting on the sofa with the tears free flowing, thinking of the events leading up to ah ma's death...
while accompanying ah ma on the last days of her journey, we held prayers for her, hoping that she will be well in heaven, in good hands and will be free from all suffering..it is the 1st time of my life tt i realli put in my heart to chant the prayers, all the while hopin she will be freed from the suffering with the prayers..it suddenly strike me that unknowingly, i have developed strong feelings for her, even more that what i tot i haf..
Ying told me tt after a session of prayers, there was an auntie who came to her n told her tt she is certain ah ma have gone to the heaven for during the prayers, she can smell a scent of jasmine, which she says is a sign tt ah ma have gone to heaven..she says this is the 4th time she have this strong feelings after chanting at numerous funerals..hearing tt, i felt better, i realli hope the auntie is rite..
Rest in peace,Ah ma...
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